Loving your child doesn’t make you a good parent…

Disclaimer: I don’t expect everyone to agree with me nor do I care if I come off as judgemental in this blog post. I hope that this helps at least one struggling parent and encourages them to do better because today’s children need help.

Let me be honest, the title of this blog post has been my opinion for the longest time. I’ve watched idly as parents I know post their kids on social media platforms expressing their love for them while simultaneously being crappy parents. I just can’t take it anymore.

About four months ago, an eight-year-old boy from Cincinnati committed suicide after being bullied at school. Yes. Eight. Years. Old. Gabriel Taye, a third-grader, hung himself two days after being attacked by other elementary students in a school restroom. His death is disturbing in so many ways and this tragedy is what finally inspired me to share what I believe will be an extremely unpopular opinion, especially coming from someone who doesn’t have any kids.

How does a child so young even know what suicide is?

That was the question I kept asking myself. And with the recently released surveillance video from the bathroom, I developed several more. In the video, Taye reached his hand out to greet another student and was pulled and then slammed into the wall. The impact of this hit caused him to lose consciousness and while he lay motionless on the floor, kids began kicking and hitting him. Others walked by and saw him laying there and did nothing to help. In fact, he laid there for approximately seven minutes before school officials came to check on him.

Why weren’t these students monitored in the hallway? Why would they see a child not moving and continue to attack him? Why would kids walk by a boy passed out on the floor and do nothing to help him? Was there no compassion or concern for his well-being? How could these kids be so cruel? How did they get this way? Who are their parents?

Who is teaching your child?

Kids learn behaviors from somewhere and there is no reason that this type of activity should be occurring with such young people. The parents of these kids whose faces are blurred out as they attack Taye in the video should not only be ashamed of their children’s behavior, but they should be ashamed of themselves because they’ve fostered an environment that made it acceptable.

If you’re a parent, your actions play a huge role in how your child develops. If you engage in aggressive arguments or fights, your child will think that’s normal and chances are you’ll see that in their interactions with other children. In addition to how you carry yourself, the media you choose to consume around your child (or allow them to view when you’re not present) molds them.

I know eleven year old’s who have watched the entire season of Netflix’s “13 Reasons Why” and joke about suicide often. Many believe this show glorifies suicide while others think it shines a light on an important issue. Whatever your view, children under 15 should not be watching a show that features rape, sex, and death. Children also shouldn’t watch television or movies that feature violence. I’ve seen middle school girls call one another bitc#es and hoes when they get upset and I can’t help but wonder where they get this from.

Love is not enough.

There’s no doubt in my mind that most parents love their children. It only makes sense, they’re an extension of you so you should love them, right? But does that love translate into making them productive citizens of the world? Your love is not enough. They need more.

I recently spoke to a mother who said she was at a crossroad with her eleven-year-old son because he “doesn’t care” and won’t do work at school. She said she knows that he is failing multiple classes and she doesn’t know what to do about him.

Wait, what? You don’t know what to do? You’re letting a preteen run your household, be disrespectful and bring home failing grades? I must admit that I had to look this parent up on Facebook to see what a real life BooBooTheFool she looked like and was surprised to see that she had pictures of her kids (including this fail-getting boy) as her cover and profile photos. I, along with several other teachers, had tried reaching this parent for months and never received a phone call back but her Facebook statuses were recent. She punished him by taking TV away but pays for him to attend Tae Kwon Do classes. She has failed this child and I’m not sure if she knows it.

Some parents brag about how they work hard to make money and provide a life for their kids. They post videos of their kids playing with toys they don’t need and want all to know how their kids are “their world.” The life that some people provide isn’t good enough and it’s time that they realize that. Good parenting isn’t about the material items you can give your child, it’s about the time you spend instilling morals and values into them.

There are so many ways to become a better parent. Teach your kids how to be good people by being a good person. Monitor what they watch so they aren’t influenced by the wrong role models. Expose them to new things. Read with them. Do more than just make sure they go to school, become engaged in their school’s activities. Ask them about their day instead of letting them head straight to their room to play video games or get on social media.

I could go on and on for days but instead, I’ll stop here. I’ll be writing more about subjects like this in my book that will be released next month. Stay tuned for #WTTM but in the meantime, let me know your thoughts. What characteristics do good parents have in your opinion? Do you have any parenting tips to share?