My husband and I were having a conversation the other night and I can’t stop thinking about it. We were on the topic of people changing for the better (us mainly) and the conversation led to questioning whether people can change at all. We were both in agreement that people’s core values and characteristics don’t change.
In my humble opinion, behavior can change but people can’t. An addict can work to give up addiction or bad habit. On the other hand, traits like trustworthiness, regard for others, and shyness are characteristics that are a part of a person that don’t change. If you’re known for being _fill in the blank_ and have been that way for years, can you really expect people to perceive you differently? I also acknowledge that people’s perception of you should be unimportant. It’s not though especially in today’s world of social media where people are always trying to showcase the best version of themselves, even when some of what they’re sharing isn’t genuine.
“But I’m working on being a better person and I’m making positive changes…”
You can go on a diet, read daily affirmations and do all that good stuff, those are behaviors. Those change. Can a person’s “changes” can be permanent? I suppose so, but it depends on what we’re talking about. Let’s take me for example, at work I love organization but personally I’m kinda messy. I take my clothes off and they end up on the floor by my side of the bed for a few days. Embarrassing, but I know I’m not the only one so I’ll be honest and hopefully this embarrassment will cause me to stop doing this. It probably won’t though. The truth is, I recall my mom yelling at me to clean up my room years ago and even when I grew up and got my own place I found myself cleaning up right before company came over. I haven’t changed.
Need more proof? So many of us have been there in relationships… A person betrays trust, cheats, or does some other unforgivable thing. What happens next? Their partner finds a way to forgive them after all and more times than not, they repeat the same hurtful action. They did not change.
I can go on all day with examples to help prove my point, but instead I’m interested in hearing other perspectives. What do you think? Can people change?
Interesting concept. My first thought is that people can change. Life is filled with unexpectancies and therefore one has to adapt to grow. But then again, that proves the point that you made regarding changing behaviors. I think pain has the ability to change/alter someone’s core; the same way love can influence someone’s core. There are certain personality traits that are just there to stay. For example, I am very much so an introvert and no amount of behavioral changes will ever cause me to one day be the life of the party.
Yessss! Totally agree with you! And LoL, I’ll never be the life of any party either. Thanks for reading!
Wow! How ironic. My podcast today was on Change! As a person who has personally Jazzformed also known as transformed, I say yes! You can absolutely change. Not only your behavior but also your characteristics. But true change comes from first changing your mindset. Also getting to the root of your defaults of character also helps with change. Finding out your why!?
Example: I used to have horrible, I mean really terrible road rage. I now do not. I had to do work on myself and do some digging. Now I don’t let others anger me, because I’m no longer an angry person. Healing also causes change.
The hardest part of change is people not believing in change. Being known for something you’ve done in the past does not mean that you have not changed, it just means people refuse to acknowledge the change. Due to their own issues or past pains.
To me the examples you used only show people that have no desire to change.
Great read.
That’s not irony, total coincidence perhaps. I’d classify having road rage as a behavior too, and changes in life can cause you to not be as annoyed with crazy drivers because you realize you can’t control others. But yesssss to the other parts!
Thanks for reading and commenting, I’ll be sure to check out the podcast.